last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think i have two assholes
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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