i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
