I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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