I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
