I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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