I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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