You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
