Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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