i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
