he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
