Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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