Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize