I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
