4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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