Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
