He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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