she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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