I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
