I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
