I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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