I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
