Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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