so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
