OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
