So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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