you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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