but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
