I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
