I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
