sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
