We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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