sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
