you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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