Are we in a gay sports bar?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
