Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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