Got a toothbrush?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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