hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
