Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
