eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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