Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
