Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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