Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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