$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize