I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize