If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
