Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
