Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
