Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
