What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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