never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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