You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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