I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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