I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
