I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
