I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
