The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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