Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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