Nicole vs. Life
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize