I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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