she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
