the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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