As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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