I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
PANTIES FOUND
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