ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
