just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
