Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
