Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
