So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
