so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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