You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
