is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
