I think I won the penis lottery.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
