Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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